Thursday, 29 June 2017

11 Lessons You Can Learn From a Breakup, Separation or Divorce

Every failed relationship is a feedback system and an opportunity for you to learn and grow. If you don't see the lessons, chances are that you might repeat the same mistakes in your next relationship without even realising it. Here are 11 key lessons that you can learn from any failed relationship, marriage or partnership.

  1. Appreciate don't expect. Rather than having unrealistic expectations from a dying relationship, go back to where it started. Somethings must have happened for you two to get together in the first place. There must have been genuine love. Go back to that feeling and cherish that it happened, be grateful for those happy memories. Try and appreciate that it happened and but don't expect. Expectations at this stage will only lead to disappointment.
  2. Focus on what you can control. In a relationship you can only control about 50% of the things & events as the remaining 50% is your partner. Chances are that you won't be able to control everything that they do or don't do. Its best to focus on what you can do and control to avoid unnecessary disappointment and frustration.
  3. Be kind. Everyone is trying to do their best. Every person has their side of the story and according to their beliefs and values it is the right side. It might not seem that way but it is their truth. So be kind and be patient. Don't lash out and say things in the heat of the moment that you might regret later.
  4. Take responsibility. Any relationship that fails is not entirely one party's fault. There are things that you did or didn't do that affected your relationship. Taking responsibility will also mean that you are taking your power back. Taking responsibility as the creator of your life will also help you get out of the victim mode.
  5. Forgive yourself. A lot of times we subconsciously blame ourselves for failed relationships or failure in general. But acknowledging that and forgiving yourself is very important in order for you to rightly move on.
  6. Focus on yourself and love yourself. This is a great time to turn to self help or to learning a new skill rather than numbing your pain with alcohol, substance, sex, food or Netflix. Loving yourself unconditionally is really important too, don't be too harsh on yourself but at the same time be disciplined enough to take care of your health; physically, emotionally and spiritually.
  7. Don't panic. Don't rebound. A failed relationship can cause a lot of anxiety and you might want to jump into another relationship immediately but just know that panicking and desperately getting into another relationship will not fill the void. If it's a rebound think about how you can potentially hurt the other person. 
  8. Embrace being single. Think of this as dating yourself for a while. Mend your relationship with yourself. Take yourself out for meals, coffee or even travel solo if you can. Meet lots of people and make new friends. Meet people of the opposite sex but not necessarily to get involved. Don't be afraid of being single; Instead of dreading being single, try and enjoy this phase rather than constantly wanting it to pass. 
  9. Ask for the lesson. Every failure is a feedback system. A chance to improve yourself. Ask for the lesson rather than asking 'why me?'. When you ask the right questions, you will get the right answers. This is a great opportunity for you to learn from your mistakes and ensure that you do not take the same baggage to your next relationship.
  10. Forgive your partner. This is not easy but it is essential. Until you hold on to your ex, to what they did or did not do, you cannot truly move on and allow for other better things, situations and people to come into your life. I am in no way denying the magnitude of what might have happened to you in your relationship but forgiving your ex is perhaps the most important step.
  11. Get crystal clear on your vision for your perfect relationship and partner. A big reason why relationships don't work out is because both partners are not crystal clear on their own vision and their shared visions. If you know exactly what you want from your relationship and your partner then you will not settle for anything less. You will automatically know which relationship or person is or isn't  the right one for you.

To conclude I would just like to add that self-awareness is very important as it is self-awareness that sparks growth and evolution. Get to know yourself before trying to get to know anyone else. This will help you make sense of the failed relationship and will help you take the best possible version of yourself to the your next relationship.


Thursday, 22 June 2017

How to Stop Getting Distracted

We are living in the information age and the problem of getting distracted from the task at hand is very real. You get on your laptop to write a blog post and the next thing you know is that you get sucked into the vortex of cute animal videos or somebody's Mediterranean holiday photos pop up on your Instagram feed, you then look at one picture after the next, hop on to random Instagram profiles and the next thing you know is that the day is over.

First of all, let me tell you that we all have been there and we all are effected by these noisy distractions. More than we would like to admit.

Yes you can have your phone on the airplane mode, not look at your emails all the time and yes you can try the Pomodoro Technique  but I think there is another simple yet very powerful 'reality check' that you can conduct whenever you find yourself amidst distraction central.

Whenever you find yourself torn between binge watching Netflix in bed versus writing a blog post that you were meant to write yesterday, apply this 'reality check'.

Make a list of 5-6 things that are your top priority in the next 6 months. If your list has something like lose 10 kilos by October 2017. And then whatever the source of your dilemma might be; it could be going out for dinner and drinks with your very persuasive friends or binge watching your favourite TV show on Netflix versus getting your a** to the gym; Just tally your 'your why' or your vision for the next six months with your choice in the present moment. Will going out for drinks help you lose 10 kilos? No it won't. Will going to the gym help you do that? Yes it will.

The choice you need to make is right in front of you. It gets difficult when you have no clear 'whys' or a powerful vision for the next 6 months or so. If you have a big enough WHY, something you feel deeply about, then the choice is not going to be difficult to make.

Yes there will be distractions every step of the way and yes sometimes you will find yourself off the course. But if you have something specific & powerful as an anchor, then you can easily and quickly get back on track.


Sunday, 11 June 2017

How to Activate the Feeling of Genuine Gratitude

If you want to take away one lesson from any personal development book, podcast, video or seminar, take away gratitude. If you want that one magic trick to transform your life, it's gratitude. Any successful entrepreneur, thought leader or any happy and fulfilled person will agree.

Very often though, it's a little difficult to feel that feeling of genuine gratitude. Let me describe the feeling of genuine gratitude; you feel it in every cell, every fibre of your body. You feel gratitude in your bones. It's very visceral. You feel connected to the universe, to this planet and to every other living being. There's a subtle yet undeniable almost-electric buzz running throughout your body. It's a feeling of pure bliss and joy. It's when you feel so lucky just to be alive. You can feel some kind of beautiful energy moving through you as though something amazing and exciting is about to unfold.

I have discovered that by using the following tricks you can amplify and magnify your daily gratitude and that will allow you to transform your life with speed & momentum.

  1. Write it down. I have a dedicated notebook for gratitude. The notebook that I use is a beautiful hard bound Liberty London notebook and every time I see that notebook, I feel happy instantly. I make a list of things that I am grateful for daily, sometimes even twice in one day. You could start by making your gratitude list in any notebook or diary. You could also invest in a Happiness Planner or The Five Minute Journal. 
  2. Write it down on a chalk board or a white board. Then hang this board in a place that you are able to see throughout the day. This is like literally magnifying your gratitude from tiny notebook sized writing to massive board sized writing. The fact that your words are bigger in size and the board is within your sight really magnifies the feeling of gratitude.
  3. Get your family involved. Get your parents or spouse or children involved. Tell each other what you are grateful for daily.  Gratitude is infectious and you are raising the vibrations of your entire family together. This is very powerful.
  4. Sing or dance to gratitude. If you like singing or even if you are a bathroom singer (everyone is) start making your own songs about gratitude. Sing along and also dance to that gratitude song. Be silly, be creative with your gratitude practise. This is immensely powerful as you are not only raising your vibrations but also doing that with lots of energy. Side Effect- This is bound to put you in a great mood.
  5. Have a Pinterest gratitude board. Pinterest is like having your online virtual visual vision board. Why not create a gratitude board on Pinterest? Start pinning quotes and photos centred around gratitude. When you make something visual you make that real.
  6. Post on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and snapchat about gratitude regularly. Post quotes about gratitude and use images that speak of gratitude. Not only you are solidifying your feeling of gratitude, but you might also spark gratitude in someone else. There is no better feeling than knowing that you have inspired someone else. Use hashtags such as #AttitudeOfGratitude #Gratitude #Thankful #Grateful generously. We are living in the social media- information age after all ;)
  7. Go on gratitude walks. When you go on a walk, close to nature and you focus on everything that you are grateful for, some kind of crazy magic happens. You can even take your partner or best friend on this walk and literally count your blessings together. Seriously, this is life-changing.
  8. Use gratitude in your conversations. Next time you meet someone don't get into the standard topics like what do you do, and how bad the weather is. Instead ask them what are they most grateful for lately. You both will come out of that conversation feeling like a million bucks.
  9. With a close friend you trust, a mastermind alliance, your spouse or business partner schedule a gratitude jam. Get talking about everything that makes you feel grateful. You can have a daily gratitude session with your employess too. This will create a positive environment at work and lead to better results.
  10. Cultivate the habit of saying please and thank you. In my opinion we don't say please and thank you enough. Appreciate everything and everyone around you. Life truly is beautiful and it becomes even more so when we express gratitude and appreciate those around us.
  11. Say a gratitude prayer before your meals- This is so important energetically. Always bless and always be thankful for the food on your plate. These days there is so much suspicion around food. We say things like our food is loaded with chemicals, why is the watermelon so sweet, it must be injected with sugar yada yada yada. We are insulting the food and manifesting what we are saying about food. Be thankful that you have food on your plate, majority of people on this planet are starving. Do this and watch your health improve. 
  12. Don't leave the most basic stuff out. Start showing gratitude for the simplest things you take for granted such as your smart phone, laptop and the internet. You are able to access so much knowledge through the internet for free. You have food on the table, you probably have air-con in this blazing heat. There is so much to be grateful for. The list is endless. Feeling thankful for the most basic stuff can really truly activate 100% bonafide gratitude.

Do you practise gratitude daily? Do you have some other tricks and gratitude hacks? Let me know, I am all ears. 
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